Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
