awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
