this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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