I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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