just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
