Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
