Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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