Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Drake has all the answers
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
