none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
