Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
