just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
