I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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