The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
