It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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