I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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