My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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