ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
