Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just puked most of my soul out..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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