i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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