My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
