There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
