I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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