I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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