she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize