I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
