At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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