Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
