I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Houston, we have a squirter
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
