so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
