Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
