The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
