I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
