Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
