And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
