Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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