I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
