I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You took a bar mat shot.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
