i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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