It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
God I need to hump something, right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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