I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
