We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
worst night to have a conscience
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
