Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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