How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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