Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
