i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
