I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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