woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
