Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
