Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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