im about as happy as oj after his trial
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
