Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize