these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
