I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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