god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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