"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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