At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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