I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
