Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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