the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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