the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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