my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
