Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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