mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
