Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
