So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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