i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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