I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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