I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
