sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
