I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize