Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
